The Madness of Adam: A Recipe


  1. Kneed a fistful of clay to a consistency between idiocy and asininity.
  2. Kneed in liberal amounts of lust, jealousy and rage.
  3. Form a bipedal creature robust enough to survive extreme emotional agony.
  4. Add an insatiable appendage of desire.
  5. Just before setting this aside to rise, pinch off a rib-sized amount of clay.
  6. Add to this second lump vast amounts of whim, caprice and vindictiveness until near the size of the original creation.
  7. Form a biped similar to the first, only softer with more curves and a socket for the aforementioned appendage.
  8. Bake both bipeds in separate ovens set randomly between indifference and obsession.
  9. Repeat this process until you have approximately six billion bipeds.
  10. Construct a board game 5,7268,900 miles square (14,8326,000 km²) with multiple possible romantic pathways.
  11. Drop your biped pairs randomly across this board you’ve cruelly entitled “The Wonderful Game Of Love”.
  12. Purchase two dice; the first from the god of fortune and the other from the god of misfortune. This is to assure that any move based on the roll of these dice will be considered by the bipedal game pieces to be first very fortunate, then the worst thing that could have ever befallen them.
  13. Construct an arbitrary set of rules that will guarantee a perpetual vacillation between elation and despondency in the fragile hearts of your bipeds.
  14. Invite Eros, Aphrodite, Mars and other gods in the neighborhood over for a hilarious good time.



2 thoughts on “The Madness of Adam: A Recipe

  1. Harvey says:

    I’m not sure the illustration is anatomically correct. He seems to be missing his “insatiable appendage of desire.” ;-)

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