Your Girlfriend’s Name

banditHave you ever forgotten your girlfriend’s name? Ever call her the wrong name?

I discovered early on during my decade in Tokyo that it normally took me about 4 months to learn my girlfriend’s name. This would have fallen within the range of respectability were it not for the fact that the average length of my relationships has been 3 months.

Let me mention just a few strategies I’ve used to mitigate my incompetence.

  1. Find a girl who has the same problem. Around 2003 I was called “Paul” every week for a year until she finally decided to marry Paul.
  2. Find a girl who likes it or doesn’t care. Around 2006, I dated a girl who wanted to get married. During a heated argument that felt like something from a decade earlier, I called her my ex-wife’s name. She hesitated for a moment, then a smile spread across her face as she realized I had mentally placed her into the “wife” category.
  3. Call all your girlfriends “Baby”. Note that this can be confusing when introducing her to friends.
  4. Make it a game. Tell her that you’ll be calling her by a different name every day, just to keep things exciting. An additional option is using common animal names like “Fifi”, “Fluffy” and “Wilbur”. This also, however, makes introductions difficult.

As you can see, a little creativity will go a long way to avoid getting slapped for innocently appending “Julie” to a question about your socks.

Well, I’d better stop blogging before…ah…Bandit comes home.


Note: This post is merely entertainment, and should not be construed as a true reflection of Phil’s life. If you are one of my ex-girlfriends and are angered about this post, please send a photo along with your name and the year and month we dated. We’ll sit down and discuss things like grown-ups, Baby.


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3 thoughts on “Your Girlfriend’s Name

  1. pastfirst says:

    A really cute post…I love the picture.
    I want to suggest you go to a memory training class. You seem a bit young to be suffering from memory loss but 4 months is just a bit too long to remember a girl’s name.
    I presume your memory’s perfect on most other day to day matters.

  2. Love this article. Keep on working. I’m an admirer.

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